Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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