Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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