I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
