Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
