Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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