It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
