Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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