Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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