There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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