you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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