I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
