:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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