The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
