Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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