The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
