I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
