College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
