I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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