high people should be assigned attendants
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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