there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
