wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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