How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
