I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
