Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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