Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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