I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
