she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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