Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
