Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
