Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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