did you get engaged???
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
