he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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