Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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