dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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