hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
