Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
