i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
