Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
