just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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