Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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