I skipped work to stalk him.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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