Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
