You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
