Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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