I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize