Just fell off a train. Bad.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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