my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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