I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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