I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
