just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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