Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
