I'm lost and stupid without you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
