I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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