trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
