THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
