oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
