I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
