you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
