Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
