i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
