That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
