it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
