I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
