We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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