quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
